Posted by Mark Stephan
Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:50:00 GMT
It has been a year since I’ve returned to America to carry out God’s mission for me here.
When I came back God made it clear to me, I am here to rest in Him. Not ‘rest’ as we may see it, but rather to be in Him, not looking forward and making plans, but to just ‘be’ in Him.
Let me be honest, that’s hard. In a society where everyone plans years in advance, I’ve made no plans. I wasn’t allowed to. I’ve not even asked the Lord about going back to Turkey, cause He said, don’t. For a year I’ve been in a strange limbo of being here in the USA, wanting to be active in ministry and doing so many things for Turkey, and yet, kept from it.
Grand visions of mobilizing for Turkey, building a team, helping others go, left in stasis. The Lord made it clear, do nothing but be in Him.
This was a year of decomposition. Digestion. Reflection. Healing.
It has been a year of awkwardness. Wanting to do ministry, wanting to do a lot of things, and yet, not allowing myself to do it. A year of people asking me a thousand questions about my future, and even more expectations about my future, left, unanswered, unaddressed.
A year of thinking about building a relationship, and then deciding, that I wasn’t supposed to, and then dropping it.
There has been reentry shock, reverse culture shock, expectation shock, and plain ‘ol shock. There have been times I felt at peace and times I’ve felt valueless in my input into society.
I have found myself fighting myself to gain control of this time, only to fend myself off of myself to keep myself in the rest. no goals, no plans, no long-term.
Rest in Him was His command, and I’ve spent a year trying to do just that.
Now the year is up. And it’s time again to seek and to find out what my marching orders are.
I’ll be praying now, seeking God’s discernment in my life for what’s next. Will I be going back to Turkey? Will I stay here? How long for either? In what capacity? What about work? Relationships? Situations? The questions I have held myself back from asking are so mountainous now, I don’t even know really where to begin, except the very simplest of questions…
"What do you want?"
This has been my very short, yet concise prayer since August 5th.
No answers yet, but I think it’s the start of something. I never expected on the anniversary of my return, Aug. 5th that I’d receive some lofty vision, letter, or Word from the Lord. Rather, The year of whirlwind thoughts is cumulating into the slow pin drop of a question we really all need to ask God for.
I have a nagging feeling I am not done with Turkey. But as of yet, it’s a feeling, and no clear directive from the Lord. I am still involved with ministry, still being a believer in a land of the Lost, even the land of Austin, Tx. I still do that of which the Bible directs. I share the message of Him who created me. I live in community and help others discern their role in the Kingdom of God, even as I discern my own. But a call from here to where ever, a clear call to leave my land, my family, the people I know, and to go to another is still silent. Until then, I will pray a simple prayer of "What do you want", until God gives me more information and more direction to better direct my prayers. I ask you to pray the same for me. Lord, please give guidance to Mark and speak to him as to what your desire for him is.
Posted in Christianity, Turkey | no comments
Posted by Mark Stephan
Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:02:00 GMT
Christian Community, Small Groups, Missional Community, etc… Everyone seems to be about community. But really how are we to do it? I spent 7 years in Turkey and recently have come back to the US. Now I’m having to rebuild community which has had to be one of the hardest things for me to deal with in reentry. Of course there were the things that Turkey did to me that messed me up, that’s to be expected. But also it’s the things about America that I’m really having a problem understanding, and I suspect, Americans are having trouble understanding about me. I have had really odd feelings of loneliness in the midst of a lot of people. This is a tell-tale sign of lack of authentic community. While I thought my Christian community in Istanbul was weak, I find it even harder now that I am back into the states to deveop authentic relationships that go beyond schedules and appointments and meetings.
Now relationships are two ways, and ultimately we all need to find out what is it about us that makes building community difficult.
Two things I have deduced.
- Unsaved Turks are closer to the model of Act 2:42-47 than saved Americans. (As a generality of course, there are always exceptions.)
- That while I found things in the culture of Turks that needed to change to make fertile soil for the gospel to start, so are there things in the American culture that need to change to make us fertile soil for the gospel to make us into what it wants us to be.
While in Turkey other obstacles (such as hedonism etc..) kept Turks from believing in the gospel, it doesn’t help that the missionaries were hard pressed to really show authentic community similar to Acts 2:42-47. because of this inability to be community, the Turks really don’t see a reason to convert because if they did, they would be giving up an authetic (albeit unspiritual and shallow) community of their family and friends and replacing it for a much smaller and much weaker community of the so called ‘believers’. Community is important to the Turks, and they know what it ‘is’, and what it ‘isn’t’. Though the depth of it may be in question, they at least have it. The problem with Americans is that we have no clue what it ‘is’. This is not a problem of ignorance, but rather our culture simply has been formed to go against the comcept of any community. Much like the Turks cannot trully understand forgiveness as it is foreign to their culture, we cannot understand community. We are a country that values independance and self reliance. It is the protestant work ethic gone mad.
So the problems I’m having is part of my reentry reverse-culture shock. I am so used now to Turkish community, the closeness, the lack of distant boundaries, the constant intrusions (a.k.a. divine appointments ) that now that I’m back here in the states, it’s incredibly lonely.
Here is a list of values that a Turks and Americans have about community:
Turks:
- Visit without advance notice
- Stop by frequently
- Invite you over all the time
- Always immediately drop everything for an invitation
- Are always very friendly (even though this is superficial it’s still friendly)
- Their relationships take a lot more work, but that’s how you show relationship. ( i.e. if you don’t talk to them every few days they think you’re mad at them)
- Stay and Stay and Stay sometimes for days.
- Turks always have time and are able to go out of their way. They value being available.
Americans:
- Rarely visit without continued harassment, and then they schedule it weeks in advance often canceling.
- Don’t stop by once and certainly not more than once. That would be ‘intrusive’. Christians may have a once a week bible study, but Lord forbid they actually hang out more than that.
- Invitations are for Weddings, thats about it. Few hold dinner parties anymore, movie nights, just hang-out time, etc…
- Americans don’t ever do anything spontaneously.
- Americans simply are not friendly until they have had a long chance to get to know you, then they are ‘friendly’.
- ‘Neediness’ n American relationships is seen as a large negative, and avoided at all costs. Independence is a value, not mutual dependance.
- An American is always measuring the subtle clues from others on when to leave. They do not want to out-stay their welcome, and do not want others to out stay their welcome.
- Americans value being busy and think it makes them seem important if they act busy and feel busy. They don’t want to seem lazy, so they train themselves to feel busy, whether or not they really are.
Some of you may say that these are good things about Americans, but really think if they are ‘God’ things about Americans. Is this how Jesus behaved? Your culture has brain-washed you, and we as a culture need to repent of this.
Back here in the states it’s actually rather hard to recreate a community for myself. I invite others to my home all the time, invite them to be in community, hang out, do activities, but rarely does it happen. Very rarely do people ever visit my home even though several times a week I invite people to come. They often say it’s too far or some lame excuse like that, but come on, it’s really not too far from anyone. What they are really say it’s too far for the value they put on it.
Even my neighbors who are believers as portrayed by their bumper stickers, I’ve invited to come over, talk, bible study, etc…. have never shown up after months of invitations.
While sharing the gospel and seeing a Turk become a Christian is very hard and rare, seeing a Christian American being a real, active, ‘follower of Christ’ is also hard. Acts 2:42-47 is what a community of people who are true ‘Followers of Christ’ looks like. Yes, I know Churches are working hard to change this (small groups, missional communities, etc…), but really it’s our job as individual believers to see Christ change us, not the church, and be a community as a whole no longer individuals, but a body of Christ. Ultimately, we need to ask ourselves are we a Christian, or are we a ‘follower of Jesus Christ’?
Read the comments below, and also the response, "Authentic Communit is against our Culture" written by Zach H.
Posted in Christianity, Turkey | Tags Christian, Community, Turkey | 4 comments
